Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Open Comment Section

Feel free to start any new discussions or questions here. Let's help one another out.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

Due to financial reasons and my husband's desire for me to work, I just returned to work fulltime. Thankfully, the new job and the company seems good. But I am so sad to be back to work fulltime. I am really struggling to find God's peace, joy and love right now. I am crying more than I thought was possible. My church is filled with stay-at-home moms and their believing husbands. My husband is an unbeliever. There are a couple of working moms, but the majority are home with many children. I am suddenly 'older' my friend told me today. You can imagine that didn't help much. I am 39 and yes, I am older than many of the women too. My heart is so broken. Feeling like God has abandoned me in this. I know in my head that the reality is He has blessed me with this. It's just not my heart's desire which would be to have more children and stay home. Any advice? I am trying to soak in God's word and working in a Kay Arthur book as well. I've been a Christian for many years. Thanks.

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Anonymous,

My heart breaks for you and I hear how lonely you are. I commend you for soaking in God's word. I would encourage you to share your heart's desire to God and ask Him what he wants you to learn or grow through this time. Possibly, you going back to work will be a witness to your husband and people at work. Ask God to take the burden off your shoulders and truly live in his strength. Also, if you could talk to the few CWMs at your church they may be a big help. There is a good book by Nancy Kennedy, called When Your Husband Doesn't Believe. You might want to check that book out.
None of this is easy, but God promises to never leave us nor forsake us even if we feel he has abandoned us. May God lift your burdens today and fill you with his love and care.

CarolynK said...

I'm very sorry you are having a hard time. I understand your desire as a mom and I think God has made us this way to want to care for our children and our home. Perhaps your husband will see after a while that things are much better in the family and around your home when you are not working full-time. I will pray for you.

jen76 said...

Hi! I used to comment on here quite often about 18 months ago. I was unemployed for 8 months, then worked for a podiatrist for 8 months. Now I am working as a secretary for a small roofing company. I am blessed to have a Christian boss who lives what he believes. I have been at the company for a week now. I am the only woman who works there. I feel lonely alot lately. I would like to make some friends even if we only email each other. If you want my email addy, just let me know :-) Thanks! Jennifer S

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Jennifer,

So good to hear how you are doing. How wonderful to work for a Christian boss. I do pray you find Christian friends at church or through email. I hope this job is exactly what you want.

Sally said...

dear anonymous,
thanks for sharing your heart. i feel that perhaps the underlying reason for your sadness and loneliness is that you feel guilty for not being like 'all the other' Christian moms in your church (minus the few working ones). often 'church culture' is equated as 'God's will' for many of us, and if we are walking different from the 'Christian culture' in our church, we often feel misreable and away from God.
I pray that you can see your current role as working mum via HIS eyes, and that you are loved and accepted as that. God knows your situation completely (having to work), so as Kimberly said, encourage yourself in discovering what He is trying to show you through this experience. God bless you in this difficult time. We as a community of CWMs are standing with you:)

Anonymous said...

hi anonymous,
i can understand how you are feeling. i went thru many years holding resenttmrnt for "having" to work . i was willing to live near poverty (in a way found it to be an attractive challenge) if i could stop working. problem is my husband is not geared toward extreme simplicity and giving up even small luxuries like cokes, coffee shop, etc...
so i felt i had to work because he couldn't make the sacrifice. somehow we managed to still have a pretty good relationship and family life, but deep in my heart i was hurting. after our 3rd child i stopped work for almost 2 yrs. we went into too much debt and i could see how much my income was needed. it wasn't until then that i finally accepted working. as i type this i sit holding our new 12 wk old daughter and i know i will have to go back when she is 7 months. even tho my husband and i do tag team and don't use daycare, it is still going to be hard. it's always hard leaving a baby. i find myself in a healthy protective denial right now, but know it will be hard.
some moms have a harder time leaving and that is me and you and probably many others on this blog/site.
i don't really have any advice, just wanted to say you are not alone and at least at some point things will change - they always do - of course how they will change is the big question we can't answer.
i still don't know why God didn't answer my prayer to stop work with a yes, but at least He has given me more calm and acceptance. hang in there.
cheryl (haven't posted in a long time, but did in the past)

Anonymous said...

hi annomymous- one more thing...
you said your heart's desire is to have more children and stay home. if you can't stay home, maybe you can fulfill at least part of your desire which is to have more children. at least for me, not giving up on the desire for more children has given me more peace. you can work and have many children, too. work shouldn't take that away from you. just a thought.
cheryl

asmommy said...

I totally can relate to having to go back to work. I have been back to work since January, and for me it has not gotten any easier. I still cry and get mad about having to go to work. My babies are still upset that I go to work. I feel alone in my feelings because my husband does not truly understand how I feel. If I get emotional at all about it he asks me if I have taken my medicine, which really makes me angry. I would love to know when the anxiety about going back to work stops, and I can have some joy again.

Coach Kimberly said...

Asmommy,

I'm sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive when you are emotional. I know his comments must hurt. I'm also wondering if how old your youngest child is? It takes a good year to get your hormones back to "normal" - whatever that is. I'm not sure that is a answer for when the anxiety starts. I would certainly pray about it. Try and talk with other Moms as well. Do you have a prayer partner through CWM? If you don't and would like one, send me an email to kimberly@kimberlychastain.com and I will connect you with another CWM. There are no easy answers, but I do think it will get easier.

Coach Kimberly said...

Cheryl,

You have been missed. So good to hear from you. Congratulations on your most recent gift from God. I always appreciate your comments and insight.

Anonymous said...

Hello - I'm wondering if some of you fellow CWM have the same issue that I do. Are you at peace with working until you have a day off or something and see what you are missing? I just can't imagine all that I could get done around the house while my kids are at school. I feel like I could be so much more organized and feed my family better :) And I would love greet them at the bus rather than pick them up from child care. I know that I'm where God wants me to be right now, but it is hard to balance everything! I do have wonderful friends at work who are Moms, which helps. Thanks for letting me get this out!

asmommy said...

My youngest is 2, turned 2 in July.

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi anonymous,

You are welcome to share your thoughts anytime. I think when you have one day off and you get a lot done you think that would happen every day if you were a stay at home Mome. But, I have often found just like at work and day off often gets rescheduled for me. For example, needing to take one of my children to the doctor for one. So, I'm not sure the grass is always greener on the other side. I couldn't agree with you more about resting in the fact God has you where he wants you right now. Thanks for sharing.

Coach Kimberly said...

Forgive my spelling errors above. I should have proof read better. Oops!

Anonymous said...

i think some people are just wired more to stay home. that's me. i feel at most peace and content when i'm home. not to say i don't get exhausted and frustrated at times, but on the inside that is where i feel best about myself. i have long breaks as i teach at a college, so yes i know what you mean about feeling more anxiety after a break. for me it is so easy to get into the swing of home life when i'm off, then returning brings anxiety and grief.
i wonder if God is using this to teach me perseverance? also, i believe we make our own choices in life. had i not bought this house before my first was born or had i not moved to this region we might not need my income. so i'm not sure whether this was God's plan for my life. i do know He could change my life if He wanted, but my husband would have to be agreeable.
obviously i hold nothing against moms who work because they just like to - but i'm not personally geared that way. i think that's what gives me the struggle.
cheryl

Building Life in AK said...

Finding this site has been an answered prayer. I have read the heart stories from many women who are feeling the same pressures and struggles that I have experienced. I am so thankful that I can pray for CWM as a whole, and know that God will lift some of the day-to-day burdens we must face as working Mothers. I too struggle to find working Mom friends,and the majority of women from church are stay-at-home Moms. It is very hard to talk about the stresses of managing babies, work, home business, deadlines, day care, etc etc.
Praise God for this site!

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Building Life in AK,

Welcome to the CWM community. I'm glad to hear the site has ministered to you. If you would like a CWM prayer partner, send me an email to kimberly@kimberlychastain.com and I will connect you with one. May God use you in a mighty way in your family and work.