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- Coach Kimberly
- Kimberly Chastain is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a passion for encouraging and supporting Christian Working Moms. Find out more about Christian Working Moms at www.christianworkingmom.com
10 comments:
I am currently a CWM with a SAHD. We made this decision a year ago to go this route when moving to a new location for my job. My children are both in school and Dad does a great job managing the home schedule, cleaning, cooking etc. While I know that he would like to be working to contribute income, he does appreciate the time he has now with our kids. For me it is hard to give up some control that I had before and because I am working all day he takes over on alot of the care that I used to provide. I have always worked but I was the main caregiver in the mornings getting the kids ready for daycare & school. It is a different place right now but it seems to work for us. My kids appreciate the fact that one parent is at home. In this day and age it is not fair to expect that Mom is always going to be the one staying home.
In our family I've either been the primary provider or sole provider for years. It wasn't what we had planned but the Lord blessed me with a great job that meets our needs and my husband now works part time as a substitute teacher. He is a wonderful father to our young son and manages most of the errands for us. I think it can be difficult for many Dads not to be the primary provider. But after many years, I realize the Lord meets our needs in every way and I'm thankful for it. My husband would love to trade shoes with me in a heartbeat, but this is the way it has turned out and ultimately all that we have comes from the Lord, no matter who brings home the paycheck.
I really appreciate your comments. You both remind me of the term Blessed Alliance. I read that in a book by Carolyn Custis James. She talked how God designed men and women to work together before the fall. You both seem to be doing that in your marriages and families.
I'm the sole provider for my family right now, and I have to confess that I struggle with anxiety and frustration. My husband lost his job earlier this year, and stays home now with our little ones. He doesn't do much around the house and I am still chief cook and bottle washer. I've tried to talk with him (constructively and non-confrontationally) about it, but it hasn't helped. He doesn't spend much time looking for work but doesn't seem depressed or concerned about it. My kids are doing OK; I do feel some guilt that they are not getting the educational program they used to have when they went to daycare/preschool. That said, I've truly been amazed at how graciously and abundantly the Lord has been providing for us. I would never have believed that we could get by on one salary, but through various circumstances we have been able to make it, financially, and that is a huge blessing. It bolsters my faith that, if God is providing for us in that area, He must be looking after the rest, as well.
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks so much for sharing. I loved how you shared how the Lord has been faithful and abundant. In the end that is all that matters isn't it? Just another thought I am a therapist as well and sometimes male depression looks very different than female depression. Often men isolate, get irritable, or have low energy. Just a few of the differences. So, you might want to keep an eye on it with your husband. I know that can be a difficult conversation to have. I'm praising God for how He is working in your lives.
To Anonymous, It sounds like you are shouldering a lot of the burden right now. I understand what that feels like too. Sometimes husbands don't see things the way we do. You are taking care of your family in many important ways and be encouraged because you are not alone. In my case, it took a lot of patience and prayer but I did see changes in my husband's attitude, it just took some time.
I am a CWM with a SAHD. I have been the primary (and usually only) breadwinner for most of the 11 years I've been a mom. Our first son came through the gift of adoption, and I was back to work within a week. The 3 and 5 year olds required some time off. My hubby has done some contract work now and then. And right now he is working full time on a contract for the US census. This should keep him busy off and on for about a year.
My husband has stayed at home since for 6 years now. I have struggled for years with bitterness, jealousy & guilt. I became a Christian only 2 years ago & I have tried to let go. I am doing much better now & can find joy in our situation. He is a wonderful cook. Most of the cleaning & appts are still handled by me. I still struggle from time to time because I want to be the one at home. Not much we can do though, my job has the benefits & good salary. His job was not stable & we knew we never wanted daycare. He would like to trade places & I do believe he is depressed sometimes. I know God has plans for us though. I just have to remember my blessings! We have a home, cars, 3 beautiful children, food, great schools, great church, etc.
My situation is a little different. My husband is self employed; I went to work when our son turned 3 because of the high costs of health insurance. Now I'm glad we made that decision because his business isn't doing so well right now due to the current economy. I am so blessed that he is willing to be the primary caregiver and take care of our home! He definitely gets frustrated that I am bringing in more money that he is right now, but I know that will change once the economy turns around.
My husband and I made the decision before we even had children that he would be primary caregiver in our family. He has a job that is very physically demanding and it's a blessing for him to only be there part time. I have a more stable career with medical benefits that we just can't refuse. I work four 10 hour shifts each week and he works three 9 hour shifts. Our workweek overlaps for 2 days and our daughter goes to daycare those days. My husband is a WONDERFUL caregiver as well as being very good at managing errands, cooking & managing the bills, etc. I still do as much of the housework as I can to help out, but I'm also a graduate student! Our situation works well for us and we feel VERY blessed to have 2 jobs in this economy. We also feel blessed that he had the OPTION to go part time rather than quit his job altogether. The only thing is that I struggle with a bit of jealousy and guilt wishing I could spend more time as a "homemaker". Because of the stereotypes in our society it's hard to remember that my role for our daughter is that of primary provider and I am RIGHT to focus on that. I thank God for my flex day as it gives me a "domestic day" with our daughter which I CHERISH! I also simply struggle with the stereotype of what it means to be a "mom" in most Christian circles. So, I am SUPER thankful that I found this site!
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