Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Pressure on Husbands
Debbie in the Open Comment Section recently shared that her husband was getting pressure from other husbands about her staying home and them not making the "sacrifice" that is necessary or the choice to stay home. I'm sure this has happened to others. I always feel women get the brunt of the criticism. So, if you husband has felt criticism or pressure about your working will you please share. The Open comment section has moved off the main page, you can find it in the August archive section. I will also start a new one Open Comment section.
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6 comments:
I have not experienced pressure on my husband, except that in my circle of friends I do feel like deep down they believe their husbands are better because their husbands "take care" of them and allow them to stay home. I feel that in our conversations they are thankful that they have husbands that can earn enough money and are willing to work 60-80 hrs a week at high stress jobs to enable the wives to stay home. At one point I was really struggling with working and wanting to stay home. I was harboring anger and resentment toward my husband about this. My SAH friends believed he should work as many hours as it took for me to be able to stay home and really couldn't understand why he said he couldn't or wasn't willing to do that. He also wasn't willing to live near poverty (not that we are rich with my income, but my income is absolutely necessary for our basic needs). Ok I admit I like to be comfortable, but we are not extravagent and do without a lot of things.
As far as my church, I know several moms who work and esp. as the children get older. Doesn't seem to be an issue in my church. Although there are certainly many more SAH moms. My church is not evangelical (it's Episcopal), so maybe that's part of it?
Kimberly you said something that triggered another thought. You said SAH were often critical of working moms. I'd also like to add that I have felt "pitty" from them as well - which in some ways is worse for me (esp. when they are great friends). For example, comments like "oh that would be my worst nightmare - to have to work. I don't know how you do it. It must be horrible. etc....
So, now I'm ranting. Just brought up some bad thoughts, I guess.
Cheryl
Cheryl,
Sorry to bring up the bad thoughts and you were not ranting. I do think pity is still a form of criticism and not acceptable. The "pity" is designed to hurt. I remember the verse in Ephesians that we are only to build one another up and speak kindly to one another. I also cannot see a husband working 60-80 hours and how that effects him being home with his family. Wouldn't there be more family time if the wife even worked some? You made some very good points.
Hi! I'm new to this website. It's comforting to know that their are other CWM out there. I'm a CWM and I have two chidren 9 & 7. I've work at a great place that works with me being a mom. I work with other christians. I tend to get more comments from the christian men. Sometimes it really frustrating. I work not only to contribute to the household, but also to have my children attend a christian school. Recently my husband and I have been thinking about another child.(That's how I found this website googling working moms) I would like to continue working. My employer offerd to have me work two days from home. I made the mistake asking my christian co workers what they thought. BIG mistakes. No only did they think it was bad, but they also think it's best that moms should be at home regardless of children age. I'm bless to have the job that I do and it gives me the flexiblily to come and go for my children school function and illness (cold, flu etc,). The Lord is good. Before my children were of school age, I had great child care provider. I've prayed in all my decsions concerns finding the right person watching my children. He has taken care of our family needs. It even gave me that opportunity to witness. Stay strong in Lord my fellow CWM!
God Bless!
I think in times like this it is better for us to just remember that GOD has us where HE wants us. I think alot of us deal with the pressures on both ways/stay at home moms/working moms. Neither is better. We have to do what needs to be done for our situation. I was lucky to stay home with each of my kids for the first year and a half of their lives....but when my son was 1 1/2 I had to go back to work full time....then when my daughter was born I was able to stay home again for about 1 1/2yr, and at that point it made more sense to work part time because daycare was/is so expensive. I was very blessed to have that time with my kids and the part time thing lasted for 6 years!!! thanks to our loving God...he knew that was what my family needed at that time. I have always had to have some sort of income. My husband works extremely hard every day also but he is on salary so whether it is 80hrs in the summer or 36 in the winter the $ is the same. And believe me sometimes the summers are extremely hard.....we (me and the kids) miss him terribly when he has to work that much. I now am back to work full time again, and though I would love to be at home, it isn't feasible. The cost of living (housing, groceries, clothes) is always rising and MOST families need dual income. We do not live luxuriously either, but all of our needs are met and we get to spend time together!! I would much rather work and help with the financial burden then make my husband work a second job or tons of overtime. That is what works for us~ Each family is different.........I hope you all don't think I just got on a soap box, but this is such a touchy subject to me. Whether we work or stay home, we (as women) should support each other, instead of spending time judging .....
sorry~ ok now I am "ranting" along with Cheryl!!!! LOL (let's just say that I have been in your shoes.)
Love in Christ~ jenlon
Hi, I just found this board. I'm also a CWM, my dd is 8 months old. I would love to stay home but money wise I can't, and even if I could my hubby thinks that since we have such great daycare, and good jobs that I should work, especially because if I stay home eventually in a few years I will have to go back to work anyways. We could not afford to for me to stay home for good. My biggest concern with working is the little time I spend with my baby during week nights. I know she can't tell, and won't even remember this but it's really, really hard for me. I know she loves me and she's a happy baby, but it breaks my heart. I also know that she is very well taken care of at daycare. It's a home daycare next to my hubby's job, and the lady has been watching kids for 20 years. I just realized that this is not the subject for this board, but I would appreciate some advice on how to get over worrying about not spending enough time with her during the week. I know God will nourish our mom and daughter relationship. That thought is what has been helping me lately.
Cochitipie,
Welcome to the CWM community. I think most women have felt exactly as you have felt. I will let you know that it does get better. I think the most important thing is to be intentional when you are home with your daughter. Little ones love routines. So, if you read the same story every night that will become a very special time for her and a good memory. Sounds like you have a wonderful daycare and that means alot. Your daughter knows who her Mommy is and loves you. Again, try to do the laundry after she is in bed and just spend time playing with her. I don't know if this helped or not, but most of us have been in the same spot.
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