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- Coach Kimberly
- Kimberly Chastain is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a passion for encouraging and supporting Christian Working Moms. Find out more about Christian Working Moms at www.christianworkingmom.com
13 comments:
I am struggling in every way possible. I have recently become a single mom with 2 small children, and one on the way. I know God is getting me through, but keeping my sanity while trying to parent is very difficult! I agree that there are certain areas that I need to learn to just let it go when something isn't crucial. I also struggle with discipline. Not being too hard on them, b/c of what has happened. Needless to say, I need lots of prayers!
I am a perfectionist, and learning and school work always came pretty easily to me. However, my daughter is more like my husband than me in this area. She has had average scores on the pre-K testing, and she struggles with concentrating sometimes.
Whenever, I had difficulties sitting still or concentrating, my parents just got a little more strict in their discipline and structured routine with me. However, with my daughter, the more disciplined and structured I am with her, and the more I push her, the more she rebels and loses interest in things. I am having to learn to take a more "laid back" approach and try to find more non-traditional ways of teaching her things. My husband is great in this area, because he learns like she does. However, I often feel inadequate and like I am failing as a parent, because I cannot teach her things. I know it is silly, and I try remind myself that I should be happy that my husband learns like she does and can relate to her so well, but it is still a struggle for me.
I am also getting used to the idea that it is O.K. for my child to have average intelligence and that she does not have to excel above her peers academically all of her life. This too is hard for me, because my sister and I were always expected to make an A or B in all of our classes. My husband comes from another extreme where his parents were thrilled if he just passed a class. We know we have to meet in the middle somewhere on these issues and just encourage our daughter and be happy for her when she does her best.
Hi Larissa and Melmj,
Larissa you do sound overwhelmed and I'm sure tired. I want you to know I prayed for you. I prayed that you will act in God's strength and not your own. Also, that he would give you peace and comfort. Sometimes for myself, one day at a time too long it is one moment at a time. God is faithful.
Melmj I certainly understand your issues with your daughter. Sometimes it is hard to let go of our expectations. I just read something in a Bible Study that stuck with me. A mother said she prays for her children that God will empower them to be whatever he created them to be. That was eye opening to me.
I appreciate you two sharing.
my boys are 11 and 12 years old, my daughter is 14. my parenting plight at this point pertains to purity --primarily regarding my daughter i.e.clothing, flirting, boys, etc.
my boys aren't quite to that place--they are mostly on the respect vs smartmouth challenge (my daughter hasn't completely moved on from that chapter )
i am currently working on giving up things in order to simplify our lives and refocus on our relationships with GOD and each other
Patty,
It is becoming increasingly hard to find decent clothes for girls. I have a daughter and it is so frustrating. My daughter and I read a book called Secret Keeper, the Delicate Power of Modesty by Dannah Gresh. It was a wonderful book and might help your daughter. I understand the smartmouth as well. Congratulation on trying to refocus on God, a task we need to do daily. Thanks for sharing.
I am going back to work after being home for four years. My son is three years old and incredibly attached to me. I am so worried that he is going to go crazy when I'm gone on Monday. I've been introducing the nanny to him this week. He's fine with her as long as I am there. I need this job for medical insurance and my husband faces being laid off soon. Does anyone have any advice to help my precious little boy? Also, any advice on handling my own emotions and sadness during this separation.
Hi Working Momma,
I'm sure next week will be tough for both of you. Just a few thoughts. You might want to spray a tshirt of yours with your perfume and he can carry it around with him, so you can be with him. Sometimes this works great, especially if your son is very tactile. Now if that means he will miss you more, maybe not a good idea. Also, if he cries when you leave you are going to think he is miserable all day (at least I did), but usually in a few minutes he will be doing something fun and will be fine. For you own emotions, if it helps you to call and check on how he is doing during the day. When you get home instead of rushing to fix dinner spend some alone time with him. You are doing what is best for your family financially, which is providing for them and that is extremely important as well. I pray that both of you will have a good week next week and adjust. Be patient with yourself and with him.
hi working mama~ I hope things are going ok for you this week. Please keep us updated. I went thru the same situation just two years ago...I had been home 6 yrs and my daughter was only in kindergarten...All I can say is that I have been there and I will pray for you! Kimberly is right about doing what is best for your family. Just remember that God is with you during this.....it will be harder on you than it will be on him! =0) I'll have you in my heart!
jenlon
Working mama - Hope things are going okay. I have 2 little guys (2 and 4) who go to full time daycare and they both periodically have gone through stages where they cry and cling (just this morning as a matter of fact). But within 10 minutes, they are usually both completely fine, while I am still tormenting myself! One thing I try to do with mine is to plan something special for us to do when we get home, a scavenger hunt, a trip to the library, or just coloring together. It is hard, really hard sometimes when I know there is laundry to be folded, dinner to be fixed, etc., but it helps them and me to feel have something to look forward to and to have fun time to spend together. Blessings, Laurie.
working mama~ hope things are going well for you with your new job? How is everyone adjusting?
Laurie~ I have gone thru those stages also~ It is so hard.
Kimberly ~ you always have just comforting things to say! =0)
I could use some prayers from all of you ~ I am going thru one of those "phases" where I am missing my children terribly and have been racking my brain to come up with a way to stay home. I just really don't think that is where I am supposed to be right now. I wonder if I am missing what God is wanting me to do with my life. I couldn't ask for a better job as far as flexibility and I do make decent $. But I think because it is getting close to spring break and knowing that the kids will be on summer vacation soon....I am really feeling sorry for myslef that I won't be there with them. I am very thankful that they will get to stay with my little sister this summer~ She just recently started an in home daycare so she has saved spots for my two children. Plus my mom has mondays off so I know they will get to stay with "Mimi" sometimes. It is just that I was always the mom that kept extra kids during the summer to help out friends and we always had such a good time...we'd go swimming, to the zoo, bake cookies, playdough...all kinds of fun stuff. I guess I just want my kids to remember the years I was home with them.....
Just a quick note. I would love to post, but I'm headed out of town for a couple of weeks and may not have access to the computer. I'm trying to keep all the balls in the air.
any ideas on helping a dying marraige of 18 yrs, and raising 3 kids also....feel like on my own most of the time cuz we don't ever agree, and or he is alwasy working. He works very hard for our family, but....help!
Hi Anonymous,
My heart breaks for you. I know you must be tired and frustrated. I would encourage you to pray for guidance and wisdom. Also, for God to show you how to love your husband. Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas is an excellent book for women in dealing with problems in their marriage. I would also encourage you to find an older women at your church who could meet with you, pray for you, and give you some direction. Lastly, please know God sees your pain and hurt. He loves you. Allow God to meet your needs. I do hope occasionally you can do something for yourself. I know how lonely you can feel in the midst of all your family. God is in the miracle business. He can transform your marriage.
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