Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Open Comment Section

Feel free to post any comments here or ask questions. The CWM community is great at supporting and encouraging one another.

42 comments:

Shanna said...

I just want to make sure that I am doing the right thing. Going back to work.

Anonymous said...

Hi Shanna~
I don't know what your situation is, but I need to work for the income in the house hold. It was a hard adjustment for us, but the paycheck has taken off a huge burden. I will pray that you feel some clarity and peace with your decision.
Jenlon

Anonymous said...

hi ladies~

I need to ask for PRAYER!! I have had some daycare issues that I would like to eliminate....I need your prayer for my strength and words to come out correctly to my boss. I am very lucky with my job and my boss is pretty flexible...but I want to ask him to adjust the hours that I work. Currently I have to be here at 7am to 4pm...I have had alot of support from ALL OF THE WONDERFUL WOMEN on this sit before....so I won't go into the saga of getting my kids up and dropped at daycare at 6:30am!....anyway I want to propose to my boss that I adjust my hours to 8:30am stay till 4:30-5pm. I rarely take a lunch so I would still get my 40 hrs and alot of the time I don't leave at 4 anyway~ Please pray that he will consider this option...I don't know when I am going to talk to him yet but school starts in a few weeks and I can't tell you how much I would LOVE to be the one dropping my kids at school in the mornings (or how nice it would be to sleep in till 6am!!) =o) thanks for your prayers
love in Christ, jenlon

Coach Kimberly said...

Jenlon,

I will certainly pray for you. If I can give you some encouragment and thoughts about your presentation to your boss. When I had my daughter the place I worked did not have part-time positions and I was told they would never consider it. I made a proposal to work 4, 8 hrs days and they approved it. Also, I saw other women do the same thing. So, just because it hasn't been done before doesn't mean shouldn't ask.

Just a few ideas for when you present it to your boss. From his perspective what is in it for him. You could tell him it would be a benefit to have someone answering the phones after 4:00pm and other benefits you can think of. Also, I would ask if you could try it for 3 months and then reevaluate. Once he sees that it is working he will go for it. Also, who would cover for you at 7:00, if that needs to be done. I would write it all up and answer any questions you think he could come up with or answers to any of his opposition. It sounds very reasonable to me. We will be praying and keep us updated. Thanks for all your support of other CWM's in our online community.

Anonymous said...

Man~ you guys pray good! LOL

Well come to find out the new gal in the front office had asked to work 7-3, so when I found that out this afternoon, I talked to my boss and I have agreed to stay till 4:30-5pm if I can come in at 8:30am! I presented it with the idea that this way we will eliminate overtime and between the two of us the phones will be covered because I will answer phones after she leaves/ my office is slower in the afternoon because alot of the supers I deal with leave the jobsite by 4pm anyway, so I will just have to listen for the other lines in the afternoon~ The great thing is that my kids get out of school at 3:30 and my moms coffee shop is only about 5 blocks from the school. AND in the winter my husband is usually home by 4pm! GOD IS GOOD!

This has been such a burden to me for so long! I can't wait to be able to have breakfast with my kids and be able to fix my daughters hair before they head off for the day!!! She might get braids and curls this year instead of just pony tails and headbands everyday!!!! I am going to continue my 7-4:30 thru the summer because that is when we are busiest! Please pray that this all works out with my job. I told my boss that if it doesn't work out I will go back to the earlier time, but I really want it to work.
jenlon

Shanna said...

Jenlon,

I pray to our Father God to give you the strength and the words and the wisdom to help you talk to your boss. I know that through our pray that he will give you the time that you need. May God be with you. Shanna

Coach Kimberly said...

Jenlon,

Praise the Lord!!! How wonderful. God is good and I'm so happy for you. Keep us updated.

Anonymous said...

Hi ladies, thanks again for the prayers~ My kids are so happy! I told them this weekend. My husband is glad too. He thinks it will be great that we won't be quite so rushed in the mornings! I am looking forward to school starting now. Before I had been worrying about the daycare situation. The daycare that the kids went to last year has a new lady working there....so that would have been another change that they would have had to deal with! Praise God!
jenlon

Anonymous said...

HI! I'm new... I know going back to work is the right thing for me and our family, but has anyone else felt overwhelmed going back to work full-time after having the first baby? How did you get through it? My husband jsut found out that he has to be out of town for 3 days in Septemeber and I'm totally stressed out about being a full time mom and full time worker without his help for 2 evenings. I feel overwhemlmed with the current situation.

Also - the lonliness of being home a lot wiht a newborn is a challenge for me - I'd love to hear any input!

Sparkie

Coach Kimberly said...

Jenlon, definitely praise God. It is so neat how excited your family is. I'm sure it will make a big difference.

Sparkie, I do remember those overwhelmed feelings. My husband would travel as well and we had no family close by. I often said I missed him more as a father than a husband. One thing I have said before is the hormones and can do a number on you. Often, making you feel teary. I do think calling people even if you can't go out when you are home. Also, when your husband is out of town pick something up on the way home to eat, so you don't have to cook. Do just the bare minimum and be easy on yourself. It does get easier, but I certainly understand how you are feeling. Remember to ask God to give you strength for all the things you need to do.

Shanna said...

Sparkie

I am a new mother with a 9 mth old, and work a 40+ hr week job. I enjoy my alone time with my son. I do not get alone time with my son often but when I do I enjoy every minute of it. I just usually fix some kind of frozen entrĂ©e so there are no dishes and spend the rest of the time playing with him. Don’t look at it that my husband is gone look at it you don’t have to share your child. God does not give us anything we cannot handle. I believe when the time comes you will be fine.

Take care,
Shanna

Anonymous said...

Hello Everyone,
Your website is an encouragement! I do feel guilty being at work with my 4 children at home with their Dad, esp for my baby boy who is 10 months old and my daughter who is just turning 3. I feel like they need more of my infuence. I know my husband is great with them and sometimes even better than me, and I'm so thankful he is with them, since he works at night. I think my hard thing is that his teaching contract will be up soon and we are both looking for new work, but it seems like it may be that I will be the one to find a better full-time job and he will be at home and maybe go to graduate school at night. It's hard for me not to feel resentful of him, and bad for missing my kids most impressionable years, how do you support your husband in these kinds of situations?

Appreciate any input,
Trevormama

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone~

Sparkie ~ I think what you are going thru is totally normal and I think most working moms have felt that way at one time or another. It has been hard for me too and my kids are now 7 and 10.....so ~ I am with Shanna though~ the kids and I have special time together when daddy is out of town!! Plus, this site is a great place to turn for support~ all of us are in the same boat!! =o)
Trevormama~ I understand how you feel too! I don't have any wonderful advice but I will pray for you. In times like that I look to my bible....if you look up scriptures about marriage and just let God guide you~ you will find what he wants you to hear. Pray before you open it that he will lead you to the words he wants you to see and pray that he leads you to help you find his words of comfort you'll find it!
love in christ~ jenlon

Coach Kimberly said...

Trevormama,

Sounds like you have some precious children and a great Dad and husband. Your children still need their Mom and when you are home you do the things only a Mom can do. Like Jenlon I would encourage you to pray and ask for God's direction. Ask him to help you be a support to your husband. This maybe a season where you work more and then there will be a season when your husband works more. God knows your heart and your desire, give it to him and ask for direction. Also, if your husband is feeling led to go back to graduate school and feels he is in God's will then ask God to help you support him. I think sometimes we hide our negative feelings from God, but he knows them all ready. Please keep us updated. There are a lot of neat Christian women here.

Anonymous said...

Hi again,
There's alot more to the story as there always is. My husband is a pastor and musician/artist. In the past year we feel like we have been raked over the coals by numerous churches during the candidating process, and we are left feeling rejected and alone, so the whole thing about praying about it is an understatement.

What I mean is that beyond all of the searching and leg work, our life seems to have been nothing but prayer about all of this stuff. I enjoy working as long as I can be assured that my kids won't blame me for it in the future or suffer a huge detriment in their understanding of women and men and gender roles etc, with my husband being at home. My husband wants to go to school for Counseling and I fully support that.

On my good days I know that my husband is hard-working, but not the type of person that is easily marketable, yet God does have a plan. On the bad days, the enemy gets a hold of us, and my husband feels worthless and sometimes I feel like saying maybe you are, although the Holy Spirit in me restrains me.

This has been a wonderful time of growth for us, we are just needing some calm in this storm. I know He will come through soon, but we're just a little tired of the "sifting". And the verse "hope deferred makes the heart sick" comes to mind. I'm encouraged that we just need a mustard seed of faith, because sometimes it feels like that's all that's left.

Thanks for your prayers! trevormama

Coach Kimberly said...

Trevormama,

Thanks for sharing more. I have always had a special place in my heart for pastors and their wives. I have coached and counseled many on numerous occasions. I'm always struck how lonely that position can be. You don't feel you can be real or hurt, because you always have to be strong.

I do know that you have to be your husband's encourager even when it is hard, because no one else will. That being said you need a good girlfriend (who will not gossip) to be a sounding board for you.

Churches can be some of the best places and worst places. I have seen some pretty mean things done.

My prayer is that God will give both of you clear direction and peace. Waiting is never easy. God's timing is always right even though it is hard to wait.

We are here for you. I also pray that God can give you peace and surround you with his love.

AMY said...

I JUST STARTED BACK TO WORK AFTER 6YRS OF BEING HOME WITH 4 KIDS.IM EXCITED BUT NERVOUSE.I STUDY THE BIBLE LIKE 5 PLUS HOURS A DAY.AND IM AFRAID THATS NOT GONNA HAPPEN ANY MORE.STUDYING GODS WORD IS MY PASSION.I LOVE TO DIG.HOW DO YOU BALANCE WORK AND HOME LIFE???

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Amy,

Welcome to the CWM community. Work and home life balance I think is a ongoing struggle for most women. When I read your post I thought of 1 Corinthians 10:31,
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." You may not be able to study for 5 hours a day, but you can glorify God by working or taking care of your children. God may have you working to minister to people at your job. Also, teaching your children about supporting the family financially as well. We can glorify God when we do family devotions with our children. Some women get creative with their quiet times. Listening to CD's in the car on the way to work. Putting scripture on their cabinets or mirrors to memorize. I have learned recently to specifically pray that God will make my quiet time or study time a time to glorify him and for him to show me what I need to hear. Also, praying for Satan to stay away as I focus on God. I guess one final point God is not watching the clock for how long we spend with him, he is looking at our hearts. I'm sure that study time has been precious to you. I would ask that God would direct your daily schedule and show you how he wants you to spend your time. Please keep us posted on how your new job goes. You will be a light in your workplace.

Anonymous said...

Hello,
I have an interview scheduled for Tuesday for a CPS investigator position. Although I think the position would provide good benefits, and be an interesting challenge, I am so conflicted. As a mother a visit from CPS would be my worst nightmare. I think it would be a priviledge to be a light in such a dark part of our world, and hopefully be led by the Holy Spirit, and bring justice and fairness to those it is due, the thought of it is really weighing on me. I know that God can protect me, but I'm a little scared to attempt such a job, even though I think I would be well qualified for it.

Could you pray that God will give me peace if it is indeed His will for me, and that He'd only open the door if it is His will? Again the interview is tomorrow.

Thanks so much! I value your comments and prayers, trevormama

Coach Kimberly said...

Trevormama,

I will certainly pray for you. My prayer will be that God will give you clear direction and guidance about the job. I was CPS investigator my first job out of graduate school. It is a tough job, but you are also right about being light in some very dark places. Sounds like you would be good for the job, because you are so compassionate. I will be praying and keep us updated.

AMY said...

Hello everyone,I went back to work yesterday.oooooooo it was awfull on my feet & back.6 yrs ago i walked from one side of a walmart supercenter as a mgr. in chunkies for 10 hours a day.And now just standing for 8hrs got me.Please pray for me,i really did like getting back out working I found that i kinda missed it.And today it was just my feet that hurt... pray 4 me..

Coach Kimberly said...

Amy,

We will pray for you. Does sounds like an exhausting day. Glad you liked being back to work. Keep us updated.

Anonymous said...

I have a question on another topic. My daughter is 4 yrs old (5 next month) and was invited to sleep over at friend's house. It's someone from her Christian school, and I meet the father in passing twice a day when I drop off/ pick up from school. I think he was a little offended when I changed my mind and told him we would love to have a playdate, but that I thought my daughter was a little too young for that. Can anyone tell me at what age they let their daughter sleep over at a friend's house? I'm thinking 8 or 9 is a good age, if I know the parents.

Thanks for your input,

Lisa

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Lisa,

I definitely think 4 and 5 year olds are too young for sleepovers. I often have children over for a play date and then do a sleep over. I'm not sure there is a perfect age for a sleep over, because each child is different. Some don't want to leave home. Personally for me I do very few sleepovers. No matter how well we think we know a family you don't know what really goes on in their home. The parents may allow your child to watch a movie you wouldn't allow. You make the best decision for your family and it doesn't have to be the same as your friend. I have had Moms get mad at me too when I wouldn't let my daughter spend the night. I guess I just developed a thick skin.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your support! I think sometimes hormones and emotions make you doubt yourself too. I guess if the Dad of my daughter's friend is too offended or put off, then there really was something to worry about after all.

Lisa

Coach Kimberly said...

Lisa,

You are welcome and yes trust those hormones and instincts. Unfortunately, I'm a overly cautious in this area and can be cynical. As a therapist I have heard way too many stories in my office of things happening at sleepovers. Playdates are great, but I'm not sure sleepovers are absolutely necessary. I would imagine others disagree with me, but that is just my two cents worth.

Anonymous said...

Im new to the site so really dont know where i should put this.anyway i was reading the reviews and seen where alot of churches dont support working moms????Give me some examples by what you all are talking about.. For example,I work during the day so now i miss the bible studies cause they wont do some at nite.Is that what you are talking about?? i thought i was just imagineing it,til I seen the comments.Ive had a church lady say that we are suppose to be home,but i dont think thats true.God just open doors for me that only He coulda done,cause the first time I was told because my husband worked at the same company I couldnt.The very next week,not even a full week,I had a job at that company.

Coach Kimberly said...

Anonymous,

Welcome to the site. There seems to be an inherent message in churches that stay at home moms are preferred. Most groups or Bible Studies for Moms meet during the day, which leaves out working Moms. Also, some of us here have been told that we should stay at home and that is what the Bible says. So, I wish I could say you were just imagining it, but you are not. I couldn't agree with you more about God opening doors for you and you should rest in that fact and be very thankful. I have written an article about What does the Bible say about CWM's. It is on the home page of www.christianworkingmom.com. I hope I answered your questions. If I didn't, let me know and I will try and do a better job. The women here are wonderful and supportive.

Anonymous said...

Hi Everyone,
Just wanted to let you know that I survived my CPS interview. Funny thing though is that I'm really not getting a very good "feeling" about doing this job. I don't think it's the right time for me, I don't think it pays what I'm worth and they are expecting me to be on call, and how do you do that when you have 4 kids, and a husband in graduate school? Cool thing is that I may have a better offer, with benefits, and better hours, doing what I'm doing now, paying what I'm making now. Anyway, I think "God has provided a lamb" so to speak. I appreciate your prayers, if you think of me, please pray that God will make my way straight, and clear. And I would greatly appreciate prayer for my husband who is strongly needing a music pastor position, and not as much for the money but just because that's who He is and what He is meant to be doing, I know we have to trust God's timing.
He is good, I hope that all of you that are struggling know how good God is, even in the pain, He understands our pain, He suffered too, and He's compassionate to us.
God Bless, trevormama

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Trevormama,

Thanks for the update. I was wondering how your interview went. Yes, being on call would be tough. How cool about another possible job offer. I pray that works out. We will be praying for both you and your husband. Your husband has many gifts and I pray God will find the right place for him to use them.

Anonymous said...

I am looking for some advice on how to connect with other Christian working moms. I have a 1 1/2 year old and work 40+ hours a week. Besides a couple of my coworkers, all of the moms I know are stay at home moms. I am relatively new to my church but it does appear that most (but not all) women there are stay at home moms as well. Plus I am having difficulty finding time to even try to form new relationships. Any advice?

AMY said...

The same for me also....

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Amy and Anonymous,

I think when we become CWM's our friendships seem to be the thing we give up. So, yes you do have to be creative. You might want to find first if there are any other working Moms. Sometimes they are at church, but hard to find. I think we can be friends with stay at home Moms as well. I would call them on the phone and see how you could pray for them. Hopefully, they will pray for you as well. You may at first try talking on the phone after the kids are in bed. I have friends that I try to eat lunch with once a month. Maybe on a Saturday you could take your kids to a park and talk together. I admit it is not easy and takes a lot of work. You need to be on the lookout and listen to other women talk. I remember one church I attended I felt like I was the only one. Then, I met some other CWM's and they said they thought they were the only one as well. Hopefully, other CWM's will share as well.

Anonymous said...

Hi! Just found your site and would love any input on my situation. My husband became disabled about a year or so after we were married. Before that he was the sole provider for our family and I was a SAHM. Before our marriage, I have almost always worked outside the home in some fashion without any regrets or resentment. My problem is that I am starting to feel resentful about being away from home so much. Especially since now my son is home-schooled. It has at times caused friction with us. Although I believe he would love to be able to work again, it is difficult for me keep that in mind when I'm putting in 60+ hours per week trying to make ends meet. Is there anything in the Bible that addresses something like this, I have been unable to find anything. Any advice would be appreciated.

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Anonymous,

You are working very hard for your family and that is honoring to God and your family. While I don't think there is a specific verse in the Bible that addresses your issues, there are Biblical principles. One is when we become married, we talk about the two becoming one. Together you are both meeting the needs of your family. Your husband is taking care of the home and homeschooling and you are providing the income. I imagine you are tired and exhausted. I think it is so important for both you and your husband to vocally say how much you appreciate what each other is doing in the marriage. What he is doing is hard and what you are doing is hard. Both of you are doing the "jobs" the other one wants to do, but cannot. Are there times you can have alone time with your son? Even if he runs to the grocery store with you. Maybe you can help him with one lesson of his homeschooling, so you feel involved. I also hear about the friction between you and your husband. Are you two able to spend time alone together as a couple? I think we all get so busy that our marriage is the last thing on our to do list. One thing I have been learning in my quiet times recently is when I feel bitter and resentful is to give it all to God and be honest with how I'm feeling. It is amazing what God can do when we come before him honestly and seek his will. As a Christian sister can I say I appreciate all you are doing and all the many hats you are wearing. God sees your heart and knows how hard you are working.
I may have written too much, but I hope it helped some.

Anonymous said...

Hello All,
I can so much relate to the last two comments. Coach Kimberly what you just wrote really encourages me, and I can really relate to those feelings of the anonymous woman. We are in very different but similar situations.

By the way Coach Kimberly, I have kept praying about what to do, and I have been very reluctant to take the CPS job, but after I went to the other job which was more like a business technology, hi-tek kind of thing, I just realized that the CPS job is more where I am passionate. It looks like they will be offering me that position next Wednesday, and I plan to take it, unless God works in some other way. I just keep feeling nervous like I won't have enough time with my kids, but I decided today that I will make a point to have special one-on-one time with them once the new job starts. I just fear that they will resent me for not being at home more, but I know that fear is not of God. I also recogize that they are little fallen beings and will likely blame me for alot of things, and I can only do my best in this imperfect world. Your comments are welcome. God Bless, trevormama

Anonymous said...

I dont think im cut out to work.my kids hate it & even though i enjoy being out of the house im not as happy as I thought i would be.My 13 year old son is running ramped. He's not listening to my husband (his step-dad).we caught him smokeing and he dosent denie it.i mean its in your face att.He smokes right in the house.His friends are smokeing.One boy who lives with gma ,she lets him smoke. anyone got any advice on any of the things ive mentioned???

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Trevormama,

Thanks for keeping us updated. I think you are wise in praying about your job and realizing that when you use the gifts God has given you, you will be much happier. The children you will be working with will see your light shining through and that will mean so much to them. Knowing that the hi-tech job is not for you is wise as well. Yes, you could probably do it, but not be happy. I think we don't always have to do something special with our children, but just spend time listening to them about their day. Often we give advice and forget to listen. I would also encourage you to have them "help" you in your job by sharing how you are showing God's love to hurting people. They could pray for you. May God direct your paths as you witness for him, with and without words. Let us know how it goes once you start.

Coach Kimberly said...

Hi Anonymous,

I'm sorry to hear about your son and that he is trying smoking and that he is disrespectful. If it is any consequence teenage years are very tough whether you are at home or not. I do think it is important to quickly reassert your authority with you son. You need to make sure he obeys you, if it is taking away games, time watching TV, time with friends, etc. You may want to consider family counseling. You can go to www.aamft.org and look for Find a Therapist to find a therapist in your area. Also, a good book to read is Boundaries with Teenagers by John Cloud. Don't forget to tell your son how much you love him. Often with teens we are on them all the time and forget to see anything they do well. Pray, Pray, Pray. God can work in his heart as well. Pray that he will find smoking repugnant and want nothing to do with it. Don't give up on him and hang in there. One of the best verses in the Bible for this is, "This too shall pass."

Anonymous said...

Hey everyone,well im no longer part of the working force.Wed. morn while at work i had to go pick up my son from the police,he had got caught smokeing on school grounds.School hasnt started so they were picked up.then today he was sentence 2yrs probation for skateing on private property,he and some others.I just dont know what to do,we really needed that 2nd income.we were getting ready to buy a house.this ,me not working,wont affect the house deal except that it will make it harder on my husband.please pray for us.

Coach Kimberly said...

Anonymous,

We will pray for you. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I pray God will give you clear direction, comfort, and that your son will realize his sin and turn to Christ. It is so hard been a teen and hard to be the parent of one. You are still welcome here.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anonymous,
Don't be discouraged, God has a plan for you and your family. His ways are not our ways. My husband and I have had alot of struggles financially, but God never leaves us no matter what trials and tribulations we have to endure. I will be praying that your son might be able to find a good Christian youth group or a few friends that are Christian that he can relate to. 13 and the teen years are such a difficult time. My kids are still small, but I remember what trouble my parents had to go through with raising us four kids. I will be praying for you, don't lose heart in doing good. God never sleeps, He is always at work, no matter what the circumstances are.
God bless, trevormama